Here is the letter read at the banquet! Special thanks to Amy and Elizabeth Cook!
Amy Cook,
To the excellent quizzers at World:
Greetings.
In my former letters, quizzers, I wrote about all that we began to quiz and to quote until the day I was taken into retirement, after giving instructions to my former teammates. After my retirement, I showed myself to these quizzers and gave many convincing strategies for winning. I appeared to them over a period of forty weeks, and spoke about the upcoming tournaments. On one occasion while I was quizmastering them, I gave them this command: "Do not leave Taylor, but wait for the championships your coach promised which you have heard me speak about. For I quizzed with Matt Cooke and Jessica Schatz, but in a few days you may actually have a shot at Finals." Seeing what was ahead, I spoke of strategies and quiz tips, encouraging them to speak at World with great boldness.
In order not to weary you further, I would request that you be kind enough to hear me briefly. As a result of my investigation into the happenings at Taylor, I have something to write. I will not hesitate to proclaim to you the whole history of the 2007 World Tournament, and I am convinced that none of what I am writing has escaped notice.
Iowa quizzers, I can tell you confidently that I have heard many reports about the opposing teams and all the harm they have done do you at World. You can easily verify that they have come here with instructions from their coaches to cream you. Indeed, Dave Cooke and Heather Hicks met together with the Berrienites and the quizzers from Detroit in this tournament to conspire against you. You have been severely tested by the plots of Pittsburg and Kansas City. Opposition arose from members of the states of Maine and Ohio, especially when these men began to contest you. And meanwhile, Rochester is still breathing out threats against you, saying, "We will show them how much they must suffer to enter the finals!" World quizzers, consider carefully what you intend to do to my team! In the present case I advise you, leave these quizzers alone! It is my judgment that you should not make it difficult for the Iowa quizzers who are at Taylor. Instead, I write to you, telling you to abstain from contesting them, and strategizing against them. You will to do well to avoid these things!
It has been reported that on Friday morning there was no small commotion. For when asked to answer a situation question, Ben Weieneth gave so many names and places, the audience asked, "What is this babbler trying to say?" Some however made fun of him. The quizmaster and scorekeeper ordered Ben to withdraw from the microphone, and then conferred together. "What are we going to do with this quizzer?" they asked. Mike Miller and Kathy Weieneth were divided; one sided with Ben, the other against him. The answer was in confusion. Some had heard one thing, some another. (Most of the quizzers did know why they were there, however.) Then Edward Talmage motioned for silence in order to make a defense before the quizmaster. He stood up, raised his voice, and addressed the crowd. "Fellow quizzers and quizmaster, let me explain this to you; listen carefully to what I say. This man is not incorrect as you suppose, he's only still clarifying!" Then Edward began and explained everything precisely as it had happened. He talked and debated, but they still could not decide how to rule, saying, "Do you think that in such a short time you can persuade us he is correct?" So Ben was kept in suspense, but the team was earnestly praying to God. Then Edward began to speak, "I now realize how true it is that quizmasters do not show favoritism but accept quizzers from every team who fear them and answer what is right. I know that for a number of years you have been a quizmaster at this tournament, so I gladly make my defense." When the quizmaster, an intelligent man, heard this, he had no further objections. "Don't be alarmed," he said, "He's correct!" All this took about 450 minutes.
Another undeniable fact was that throughout the preliminaries 'The Four Soldiers' grew more and more powerful and baffled the teams quizzing at World. It seemed to all as though three thousand Olympic points were added to their score each day! Great fear seized all who heard what happened, and everyone was filled with awe. Everyone was saying, "Can anything keep 'The Four Soldiers' from being in the finals?" When Iowa found out they were quizzing them in the next round, they said to each other, "Isn't this the team who raised havoc in all the other quizzes? Who are we to think we can oppose them? No one else dares quiz them for they are highly regarded by the others!" They ran to their coach and begged, "Coach, what shall we do?" "Go, stand in front of the mic," she said, "and tell the quizmaster the full answer of each new question." With many other words she coached them and she pleaded with them. "Why do you stand here looking into your quiz books? Get up and go into the quiz, for you have been told what you must do." "You're out of your mind," they said. She only replied, "We must go through many hardships to enter the finals, therefore, have no hesitation about quizzing them."
Now
for some final quiz tips. Judge for yourselves whether
what I am saying is true and reasonable.
1) When making a contest, do not keep on talking until
midnight.
2) When you have served your coach's purpose in a quiz,
do not fall asleep.
3) Always strive to keep your clarifications/pronouns
clear.
4) Remember what has been written, "Do not speak
evil about the quizmasters."
5) Keep in mind that the Berrien teams are of more noble
character than, *ahem,* um, never mind.
I hope that this letter made all you quizzers very glad.
© Cook Family, 2007. http://cnonline.net/~TheCookieJar/Quizzing-welcome.html